Paul and Heather Schmos 1

WARNING: The following story got language and some adult f**king crap, its content should not be read by anyone. But you will read it anyway so head on!

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ANIMATED JOE SCHMO RECAP
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Coach Z (V.O.): Five years ago, on Animated Joe Schmo...

STAN: Yeah, they're supposed to be from these different types of cartoons... and I've never heard of any of the eight of them... and yet they all had one thing in common...

[Shot of Princess Clara, in the hallway, crying.]

CLARA: Oh, I'm so sorry, Stan... I made a foolish mistake, and...

STAN: Yeah, I think so too. Didn't you know he's an asshole?

[Shot of Foxxy Love finding a small sketchbook that was hidden underneath a jewelry box.]

STAN: Whoa, how did you know that was hidden there?

FOXXY: Oh, they don't call Foxxy a mystery-solvin' musician fo' nothin', chile!

[Shot of Spanky Ham at the front of the Drawn Together house. He is peeing on the front wall.]

STAN: Uh, dude, the house DOES have a bathroom.

SPANKY: I know that.

[Shot of Xandir showing off his photo album to the houseguests.]

XANDIR: If I complete this, I swear I will be one step closer to getting 100%, and an S rating!

STAN[laughing]: Yeah, that'll be so cool... hang in there, dude!

[Shot of Wooldoor, who is apparently the first one up in the morning. His frantic yelling is waking everyone up, including Stan.]

WOOLDOOR: It's morning! Yay, it's morning!!! YEEEEAH!!!

STAN[getting up]: Ugh... do you really need to tell EVERYONE that...?

[Shot of Captain Hero, on a stage, holding a steel construction beam in his hands. He uses his super-strength to bend the beam, and then break it in half.]

STAN: Whoa, dude!

[Shot of Stan in the kitchen watching Toot Braunstein raid the refrigerator.]

STAN: Christ, how much more can you eat, dude?

TOOT: As much as it takes to get him to notice me!

STAN: Oookay...

[Shot of Stan and Ling-Ling at the pool table. Ling-Ling is angry at Stan, and charges up some ball lightning.]

STAN: Okay, okay, I'll form an alliance with you! Jesus tap-dancing Christ!

[Montage of the MANY wild moments of Stan's journey through Animated Joe Schmo, from the very beginning, where he met the eight Drawn Together housemates, to the very end, where he finds out the show is a fake. For more details, search for "Animated Joe Schmo" in DeviantArt, and you should find links to all nine chapters on bad asp's old DeviantArt account.]

STAN: ...every single one of them, I believe, was dirtier than me!

Coach Z (V.O.) Stan Marsh was tricked into believing he was on a reality series called Drawn Together... which starred the eight housemates from, well, an animated reality series called Drawn Together! For eight crazy days, he survived the twists and turns thrown at him, and eventually... history was made!

WAITOHOORU: As you may have figured out by now, this supposed "reality show" you were on is actually a fake!

STAN: Wha...?!

SPANKY: You should have seen the look on your face, boy!

Coach Z: (V.O.): In fact, this series has spawned several spinoffs, including a certain one where JusSonic and eight cartoon characters get back at a certain hack author...

[Shot of Justin Lawson in a camera confessional.]

JUSTIN(CC): Man, this is great! I am on a reality series! Though the contestants can be weird at times...

[Shot of Justin introducing himself to Yamcha.]

JUSTIN: Hello! My name is Justin Lawson.

YAMCHA: Glad to meet you.

YAMCHA(CC): Ha!

[Shot of Justin during the paintball challenge, trying to hit Honey and Smithers, but coming up short every time.]

JUSTIN(CC): I keep firing at Honey and Smithers, in hopes to make sure they don't try anything later... but I keep missing! They must be very fast to avoid my fire!

HONEY(CC): Justin didn't know that the hosts didn't bother to load his paint gun, and he was too stupid to check it! We would have hit him right there, but we are told to make sure he gets hit last.

[Shot of Brandy "forming an alliance" with Justin.]

BRANDY: Well, he is starting to get on my nerves and we need to do something about it!

JUSTIN: If you want me on your side, go ahead! I am willing to take out Smithers if you want.

BRANDY: Thanks. (Pause) You're kinda cute, Justin, in a human kinda way.

JUSTIN: Cool!

JUSTIN(CC): Once Smithers is gone, it's us all the way!

BRANDY(CC): What a moron! Like I am really interested in him! I plan to humiliate him first chance I get!

JUSTIN(CC): Fortunately, I'll be so glad when I win, because I can't wait to watch JusSonic walk down the aisle, next to Vicky, who will be wearing one of the most expensive wedding dresses I picked out for her. That'll teach him to hide his Superman fanfics from me!

[Shot of "the big reveal", where everyone shouts "Gotcha!" at Justin.]

JUSTIN: Did I miss something???

JUSSONIC: Oh man! You could have seen the look on your face! You were freaking out and stuff!

JUSTIN: Again, did I miss something?

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Coach Z: (V.O.) Five years later, Bad Asp, AKA Waitohooru himself, with the Animation Alliance is working on the official sequel called "Anime Joe Schmo." JusSonic is doing the same which involved not just one but 2 people, putting them in a mansion filled with characters from who knows where.

(We see a shot of Paul, one of the series' Schmos', in a camera confessional.)

Paula: (C.S.) My name is Paul. You want to challenge me? Bring it on.

(We see a shot of Heather, the other Schmo, in the same thing)

Heather: (C.S.) I haven't got one guy in the Total Drama series and I screwed up twice in Toon Amazing Race. Third time's the charm, hell.

Coach Z: (V.O.) Pokemon's Paulie and Total Drama series Heather Lock-ass will take part in this sequel...welcome to Paul and Heather Schmos.

Strong Bad: (V.O.) Okay, you're done!

Coach Z: (V.O.) Do I get paid now?

Strong Bad: (V.O.) Shaddup!

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Episode 1 - Arrival of the Fools

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Day 1

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CAST MEETING

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(We cut to a trailer outside where the fake reality series will take place as the cast of Homestar Runner talked with the actors, keeping the actors' identifies a secret.

Strong Bad: Okay then, actors, remember, Paul or Heather must not know that this show is a dud.

Actors: Yeah.

Marzipan: I know we have memorized the script over the week and this is going to be so much fun. Remember, no suspicions.

Strong Bad: (frowns) Damn it, Marzipan, why do you insist on being a female host? The ladies would do well with a male one.

Marzipan: Because I am annoyed that there are lack of female hosts in the reality series thing.

Coach Z: But this show is a fake.

Marzipan: So what? (smiles) I want to shine once.

The Cheat: Meh meh meh meh meh meh.

Homestar: Okay, remember, be yourselves, eat the banana. Drama later, comedy tonight!

Strong Bad: Make your series proud and pull this off!

Actors: Hell yeah!

(The actors leave)

Bubs: (push Coach Z) You owe me 10 bucks!

Coach Z: Aww, geez. I wish I never betted that the actors will reveal themselves early.

King of Town: When we do what?

Strong Bad: Shut it, Of Town! (to camera) All right, cue the crappy ass intros!

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(We see a limousine approaching the mansions that carries the first Schmo, Paul)

Strong Bad: (V.O.) This experiment has been done before and is probably being done right now, but not like this!

(We see Strong Bad and the cast outside the mansion)

Strong Bad: I am your host Strong Bad...

Marzipan: And your lovely female host Marzipan.

Strong Bad: No one cares! (to camera) Welcome to Paul and Heather Schmos, you recognize yours truly as the real star of the internet classics by the Chapman brothers.

Strong Sad: But the cartoon series is called Homestar Runner...

Strong Bad: (ignoring) Over the next nine days, you will see two people from two shows go through situations that will get crazy on a daily basis and may make asses than Strong Sad.

Strong Sad: (frowns) Hey!

**************

(We see a shot of Paul in his Pokemon adventures)

Strong Bad: (V.O.) This is Paul, or Paulie, or Jerk Ass or the guy who is a ripoff of that Silver kid from the Generation II games. A Pokemon trainer who cares about winning and other crap.

(We see a camera shot of Paul)

Paul: (C.S.) Hey losers, Paul here. Looks like I'm a contestant on another reality series. I hope to get by and not get voted out earlier like on Cartoon Survivor. This time, I won't be used.

King of Town: (V.O.) We would've shown you some shots but Strong Bad won't show them.

Strong Bad: (V.O.) No one cares!

**********

(We see a shot of Heather doing her usual stuff in the Total Drama series)

Marzipan: (V.O.) This is Heather from the Total Drama series. A real bitch who cause trouble and such, especially to Trent, Gwen and everyone else who gets on her bad side.

Homestar: (V.O.) Which side is that?

Marzipan: (V.O.) I think it's her hair.

(We now see Heather in the same room)

Heather: (V.O.) I got two goals. One of them is to get one hunk of a man and two to win a reality series unlike the last two that I got screwed over. I still can't remember how I got in second in the All-Stars one.

Marzipan: (V.O.) And thanks to the sanity of our pals, we won't show them to you.

Strong Bad: (V.O.) Okay, the Schnos are about to arrive so let's get this show on the road!

Marzipan: (V.O.) Hey, this ain't your talk part!

Strong Bad: (V.O.) Blah, blah, blah, f**k it!

(We see a limo arriving as it stop in front of the mansion to let Paul get out.)

Paul: (C.S.) All right, the limo let me out in front of this mansion. I'm supposed to fight other guys for a single woman. (smirks) I think I will sweep her off her feet the first day.

(Another limo arrives and stop to let Heather out)

Heather: (C.S.) Hot damn, this mansion is sooooo huge, better than Owen! This will really stick it to Gwen, Trent and my other campmates, co-stars, and that idiot Chris Maclean!

Paul: (notices) Oh, Heather. Here looking for a guy?

Heather: Yep. I am going to blow the competition.

Paul: Something blows all right. At least this isn't like Cartoon Survivor where I got my ass voted off.

Heather: Looks like we have to wait for the competition.

Paul: (notices) Maybe sooner than we think.

(We now see limos arriving to let out 18 people from other places. Now, some of these people will stay around and provide plenty of drama during their stay. The others are just extras. In other words, folks, we hired them to pretend to be contestants)

Girl in a super outfit: This is great. I am ready.

Heather: (frowns) A little Powerpuff Girls wannabe? I am sooo going to own you.

Girl in a super outfit: (glares) Kiss my ass, bitch!

Paul: (surprised) Danny?

Danny: Hey, I ain't suppo...I mean, what the hell are you doing here, Paulie?

Paul: (frowns) Are you participating? I thought you got June.

Danny: Hey, she is just a phrase. Now I'm going after some big chicks, yeah.

(In another place, we see the real Danny and June watching this with Luffy and Nami)

June: Man, it's amazing how you made a clone to be on this show and we can still host Toon Amazing Race.

Danny: Yep. He look so realistic, not even Paul Moronic Bunyan can suspect.

Nami: As much as we want to continue watching, we got to get back to our real series.

Luffy: Yeah.

(Back on the fake show, we see other contestants waiting, especially a familiar wolf)

Paul: Bobcat? You're on this show too?

Bobcat; Hey, sssh! I am here for some ass! I heard that the babe on this show is one hot slut!!

Sarah: (creepily) Boogie, I am ready! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Heather: (sweatdrop) I hope she gets eliminated first.

Little Asian girl: Good to be here, hi!!!

Paul: (frowns) This girl is too small to be in this thing. She's gone.

Little Asian girl: What makes you think I don't got Gary Coleman's syndrome?

Koopaling: Eh, just wait until the Bachelorette get a load of yours truly. The son of a king!

Woman: (nods) I, on the other hand, am soooo eager for her too. That woman and Heater would make great ass. (to Heather) Grrrrowl!

Heather: (shocked) Hey, wait! You're supposed to be for the Bachelor!

Woman: (shrugs) I am a lesbian, figure it out, baby. You are sooo hot.

Heather: Help me.

Robot: (burps) All right, where is the f**king booze?! I got to drink before I explode!

(Soon four familiar characters appears...none other than Strong Bad, Marzipan, the Cheat and Homestar)

Strong Bad: (C.S.) Hey ladies! I am the host of this program...oh yeah, Marzipan is the female part. Eh, I am going to take a page from Chris Macdoofus and become very villainous!

Homestar: (C.S.) What about the rest of us?

Strong Bad: (C.S.) Shaddup!

Strong Bad: Welcome to Lovey Matchmaker! For you lovely ladies, I am your host Strong Bad...

Marzipan: And for the guys, I am Marzipan. Twenty of you will be looking for true love but whether or nor you will end up with the guy or girl of yours dreams...well, you understand.

Strong Bad: Now to meet the guy or babe you want to screw!

The Cheat: Meh meh meh meh.

Strong Bad: For your ladies, we got one hunk of a guy! He started out in the ground but made his way to galaxy saving! Although he lives with a puppy with a Bruce Banner problem and a green booger, he ain't easy. Please welcome Earthworm Jim!

(A worm in a suit appears waving to the ladies. The girls pretend to be swooning for him)

Little Asian girl: (giggles) He's dreamy!

Sarah: Oh yeah! Mine!

Earthworm Jim: (grins) I can see you ladies want this! Oh yeah, I wish I can take you all, but sadly, I can only take one of you, rules are rules.

Heather: (C.S.) That doofus is the Bachelor? Weirdo.

Earthworm Jim: (C.S.) Groovy, hey guys, I looked at the script and I am going to make Heather think I am into her, when I am now! This show is only pretend so please Princess What's Her Name, don't fry me! I am only acting!!!

Marzipan: For you guys, we got a fiery red head from a house filled of imaginary friends. She can snapped under pressure but don't let her attitude turn you off. She is a hard core punk girl who likes concerts, cookies and handsome guys who aren't afraid to cry. Please welcome Miss Frances Foster or Frankie!

(The boys howl, well the actors pretending to, as a red haired girl in a green sweater and such appear)

Frankie: Oh yeah, you guys are handsome!

Paul: (C.S.) What's this, they picked some losers to be the bachelor and bachelorette? Ugh, I should've known. (pause) Still, that woman is a hottie. Maybe I could give her a chance.

Frankie: (C.S.) Thank god that I got out of the imaginary friends mansion and into one where I don't do a lot of work. I just read the script and lead Paul on. I have to pretend to end up with him, frankly though, I prefer to be with a guy who is nice or sometimes a weasel at heart.

Homestar: Ladies and guys in love!

Strong Bad: Yes, these two are looking for soulmates. One of you 20 will be picked but sadly, not all of you will be him or her.

Marzipan: How sad.

Strong Bad: Also, for the lucky couples and such...Coach Z, tell them what they will win!

Coach Z: (appearing) You got it, Strong Bad! The man or woman who end up with these two people will get a cruise around the world, freed of charge courtesy of us! Also, they will make stops at the Pokemon Battle Frontier, Paris, and any place suggested by the winners.

Paul: (smirks) Finally, something worth fighting for.

Heather: I don't see...

Coach Z: Oh yes, and the couples each get $1,000,0000!

Heather: (smirks) Now we're talking, asshole!

Strong Bad: Sadly not all of you will make it because....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

The Cheat: Meh?

Paul: (glares) What's so funny, you masked fool?

Strong Bad: Sorry, but...these two are going to kicked 10 of you out right now!!!

(Everyone except for the hosts gasps, or pretend to. Paul and Heather are the only ones doing the actual gasping)

Paul: What?!

Heather: You're kidding!

Frankie: Oh man, and just when we're having fun.

Earthworm Jim: Not so groovy.

Paul: (C.S.) Stupid twists, 10 people are going to be eliminated from the 20 starting. I hope one of them is Danny. I just got here.

Heather: (C.S.) Just when I got here, they're going to eliminate 10 people, like half the cast! I would find it suitable and to my liking, but still....

Strong Bad: (C.S.) THE CHEAT IS BEHIND THE BOX! THE CHEAT IS BEHIND THE FREAKING BOX! I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU! (coughing) Sorry, got a bad flashback there.

Marzipan: (C.S.) What Strong Bad meant to say was we came up with the game starting with twenty then cutting down to 10 twist to freak out Paul and Heather. They won't leave because they will be stay from now to the game's end.

Strong Mad: (C.S.) TOTAL HUMILIATION!

Marzipan: (C.S.) Right, anyway...

(Strong Bad took out two pouches, giving one to Earthworm Jim and Frankie)

Strong Bad: All right, you two, there are 5 black balls....

Homestar: (laughing) HA HA HA HA! Black balls, hee hee hee!

Marzipan: (frowns) Get your mind out of the gutter, Homestar.

Strong Bad: Okay, anyone you don't want here will be given a black ball each. Earthworm Jim, you will take out 5 ladies with Frankie the guys.

Frankie: Ouch.

Marzipan: Which poor guys or ladies will be gone? Earthworm Jim, open your pouch and present your balls.

Homestar: (laughing) There it goes again! Zoom!

Earthworm Jim: Bimbette SOrry but you are out *give Bimbettet a black ball

Bimbette: WHAT?

THen she left angry

Strong Badne down 4 more to go on the female side Frakie your turn

Frankie: Cartman SOrry you are out *Hand Cartman a black ball*

Cartman: WHAT Screw yOU ******* THen he left angry

Storng Bad: Coach Z Remind me to hurt Cartman later on

Coach Z: Will do

Strong bad: Jim You next

Earthworm Jim: Sally Acorn you are out

THen Hand Sally Acorn the black ball as she left

Sally Acorn (CS): Hay I don't have to worry mary him I got Sonic

Storng Bad: We down to 18 Frankie

Frankie: Buster Bunnie you are out

Buster Take the ball and left

Strong Bad Down to 8 Boys 9 Girls

Jim: Fonia Fox you are out

Then she left.

Storng Bad 8 Boys 8 Girls Frankie

Frainke: Kyle you are out

Kyle left

7 Boys 8 Girls (15)

Jim: Lola Bunnie you are out

7 Boys 7 Girls (14)

Frainke: Road Runner you are out

Road Runner then Ran fast

6 Boys 7 Girls

Jim: barbie (Toy Story) You are out

THen Barbie left

6 Boys 6 Girls

Storng Bad: Now we are down with one black ball who will be elemated Frankie

Frankie: Chowder you are out

Chowder; WHAT!

Then he left mad

5 Boys (Paul, Bobcat, Danny, Bowser Jr. and Bender)

Paul: Ok THis is even

Strong Bad: SHUT UP Jim Down to the Final WIre

Jim: Peach You are out sorry

Peach: It ok

Then she left

5 Girls (Heather, Sarah, Woman, Little Asian Girl and Girl in a Super outfit)

Off the Screan Commetatrey

Alex II and Fifi were just helping out too

Alex II: On the Screan Fifi and Bimbetter are Rivles but off the screan they are friends

Fifi: QUI

Alex II (CS): That to fool paul and heather so they don't know that Fifi and Bimbett stil have a hater Rivel also we were laughting see her get kick off

Fifi (CS): Yep

*
Storng Bad; Well we down to 10 now also We got another specal GUst host he work for TNA as the Dragon also in Triple A he is Charles "Dragon" Roberts

(BGM: Dream Team)

Then Charles Roberts came into the set and had his hands cross

Charles (CS): THat was my cover there so They don't know I am part of this scam so I am Fooling them

*
Charles: Well hello my 10 see A Bachator male and Female like there Guy and GIrl Smart, Strong and In Good Shape so Your next challange So Tomorow Boys will Face 5 NBA All Stars but I won't Tell who you be facing and the 5 GIrls Will be Facing 5 WNBA All Stars also I won't tell them who they facing so get some rest becasue after Breakfast you will be meeting me on the Basketball Court at 12 PM Water And Engery Drinks will be provide becasue we playing 4 Qutores so Haft time comes you be taking a 1 hour brake get your string so See you tomorow also it elemation see if one of your teamates Fail to perform then he and she will be elemated if your team lose to teh All Stars so good day.

Charles left

Storng Bad; You heard him Rest and Tomorow I Hope you have a Gameplan agent the NBA and WNBA All Stars becasue you won't last long

Then he left as they went inside.

*
Charles (CS): Reasion Why I want to do this becuase I Heard Paul and Heather say that NBA And WNBA Sucks so I think they will find out NBA AND WNBA don't suck

(Outside nearby, but without Paul or Heather seeing, we see some people getting paid)

Homestar Runner: Thanks for coming...

Bimbette: Pleasure.

Cartman: I was interested for a cameo anyway.

Sally: No problem.

Buster: No, thank you.

Fiona: You rip-off!

Kyle: Thanks.

Lola: (still recovering from the slime) Thanks.

Road Runner: (beeps)

Barbie: Thank you...

Chowder: (takes money and eats it) Thanks!

Peach: Time to get back to the Mushroom Kingdom.

(Inside, we see the commentating room...)

Woman: (C.S.) Hey, Powerpuff Girls! HA! I'm going to prank like no tomorrow! Princess Morbucks here, and I'm on... (pause) Well, probation actually. I agreed to be part of this stupid thing to prank two villains... one of our own... one not of our own... anyway, this is going to be cake... I'm going to be playing the "b****".

Bobcat: (C.S.) Hi, Bobcat here! I was given the role of the stalker, so that means I have to stalk every girl there is... (smirks) Some of these girls have very cute asses to grope!

Asian Girl: (C.S.) Hi, Numbuh 5! Guess what? I'm in a pranking show too! Numbuh 3 won't let you down! I'm the Weeper for this series!

Koopa: (C.S.) Yeah, yeah, Bowser Jr. here... I was cast as the Heir, though I don't really see the point. I guess I'm supposed to be pranking a henchman of a villains' group and a former henchmen of the villains' group, but other than that, yeah. No point.

Girl with Super Power: (C.S.) I'm Haruka, or as the Sailor Scouts know me, Sailor Saturn. Yes, I'm gay. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT!???

Robot: (C.S.) Yo, I'm Bender. (takes out beer and drinks) Now what's this all about?

Danny: (C.S.) I'm Danny II, not the original Danny, but Danny nonetheless... I was cast at the last minute, and I'm supposed to be studying my script... Just a sec... (examines script) The Playuh? Well... I guess I could try...

Sarah: (C.S., smirks, gets chainsaw ready) Sarah Goodman here... who's ready to party?

Cameraman: (C.S., screams as he quickly ran out)

Sarah: (C.S.) Geez, some people don't appreciate good weapons. (saws up her script) I say screw script, I'll keep plot the same, keep Paul and Heather in the dark... but the housemates are going to be seeing a new kind of moron in the house. Hmmm... I wonder what would happen if I put this flamethrower around the place (pulls out flamethrower, starts burning up the room)

Heather: (C.S.) Well, this million dollar thing could be good... I'm ready for whatever... (sees that room has been burned up) Uh... any reason the room's all black and charred?

Paul: (C.S.) Okay, people say that due to construction, we have to move our confessional room somewhere else... Time to be the world's greatest! Bring it on!

Charles: (C.S.) The NBA and WNBA thing was just a distraction from the real challenge... that was going to be revealed tomorrow.

Heather: (C.S.) Ah, some people say that I don't like WNBA. While that's not true in the slightest, I think that cheerleading is a better option. Besides, I think basketball tires a person out.

Paul: (C.S.) NBA? Those pussies won't last for five seconds!

(Outside, we see Strong Bad talking to Charles)

Strong Bad: Good job on covering the real Challenge, Charles... but we got everything under control... besides, it's not a game of survival...

Charles: I know... it's a fake dating reality series...

Strong Bad: Right... and I don't think basketball counts as a date...

Charles: Right... distraction, that's it...

(We see Heather and Sarah talking.)

Heather: So, anyway, you may know me as Heather from the Total Drama series...

Sarah: (smiles crazily) Yep...

Heather: And you must be Sarah, right?

Sarah: (pulls out chainsaw) Yep... want to slice stuff up!

Heather: (shocked) Uh... so you're Crazy Girl Part 2... I should really introduce you to Izzy...

(Sarah went over and sliced up a part of the wall, merely freaking Bobcat, who was standing nearby, out.)

Heather: On second thought... two of you sound worser than one.

Bobcat: (C.S.) My script said that I was supposed to grope Sarah's ass, and she'd freak out... but after seeing that FREAKING chainsaw, I would like to say this... WHAT WERE THOSE IDIOT AUTHORS THINKING? That's not a moron, that's a freaking assassin! (shivers) That chainsaw... this will haunt my nightmares forever...

Sarah: (C.S.) Yeah, so I improvised that part... most of the parts in the script were okay, but they were missing a lot of things... like cleats! (pulls out a pair of cleats) I wonder if Paul needs a visit...

(We see Bender drinking the beer from the fridge. Paul just sighs as he watches.)

Paul: Why the booze?

Bender: (frowns) Mind your own business!

Bender: (C.S.) Yeah, I was scripted to say that... (looks around) Something tells me that Sarah's been here... there's blood and scuffles on the left side... (looks down) Bobcat, what are you doing under the chair?

Bobcat: (C.S.) I'm not going out! There's a freaking assassin out there!

Bender: (C.S., rolls eyes) You do realize that she can come in this room.

Bobcat: (C.S., gets out from under chair) Good point... well, okay.

(Cut to Heather looking around at Kuki.)

Heather: Hey...

(Kuki cried spontaneously as she left. Heather was left confused)

Heather: What did I do?

Haruka: (coming in) Trust me girl, you don't want to know...

Heather: So... about your gayness...

Haruka: Yeah, I'm gay. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT!??

Heather: (backs away slowly) No... no...

Kuki: (C.S., smiles) Yeah, I was scripted to do that... I guess it's for Heather to get the feel on what she did during the Total... (looks around) Uh... what's that red stuff in the corner?

Haruka: (C.S.) I was scripted to be a gay girl... with a lot of issues... I've been doing good at that... (looks around) Geez, they weren't kidding when they said Sarah was a moron...

Bobcat: (C.S., under Haruka) More like an assassin...

Haruka: (C.S., kicks Bobcat from under the chair)

Sarah: (C.S., seen eating skin) Hmmm... that's some good chicken... (dips some chicken in the blood spill she made with the cameraman.) Too bad the cameraman lost his arm... he would have enjoyed a lot of chicken with me.

(It was dinner as the contestants and actors sit at the tables. Bubs, Homsar and Poopsmith came in pushing in carts of food)

Bubs: Okay, folks! Dig in! We're ready for butt munching.

Heather: Is this food edible?

Homsar: Daaaaaah, I like the rats of Tom Cruise!

Heather: (blinks) Is that a yes or a no?

Bender: Who cares?

(The cast and such eat quickly)

Princess: Hey asshole, pass the soda, will ya?!

Danny: (smirks) Hey baby, you ready for some fun?

Frankie: (giggles) Awww, come on.

Sarah: Give me the frigging asshole!!!

Heather: (dryly) You are soooo going.

Bubs: (C.S.) So far the cast is eating and pretending to be pals or something. I just don't ask questions as long as I get paid.

(Marzipan taps a glass with a fork)

Marzipan: Well, getting along so far?

Earthworm Jim: I got to say, I see a few girls here who deserve to be with yours truly.

Frankie: Oh yeah. I like all the guys...

Haruka: And girls. Don't forget me, Frankie!

Frankie: (sweatdrop) Right...

Frankie: (C.S.) I hope for hell that I don't end up with her even if it's scripted or what.

Bobcat: Heh heh, wait until you girls go to bed....I prowl the halls like a wolf.

Bowser Jr.: (glares) You couldn't even rape a red riding hood girl, asshole!

(Bobcat frowns as he throw a plate at Bowser Jr. who dodges it)

Bowser Jr.: Oh yeah?! Prepare to hate my style!

Paul: (annoyed) I do not believe it.

(We see Bowser Jr. and Bobcat pouncing and beating each other up)

Strong Sad: Hey, hey, cut it out, guys.

Strong Bad: Fight, fight, fight!!!

Paul: (C.S.) What the heck is this? Two guys fighting over one girl? Pathetic.

(We see Bowser Jr. and Bobcat in the same camera confessional)

Bobcat: (C.S.) That is some show we put on for Paulie eh?

Bowser Jr.: (C.S.) Between you and us, folks, the argument was a total fake.

Earthworm Jim: (C.S.) Groovy, I just love people like my pals and co-stars acts!!

(The gang continue eating, then a while later they go into the study for some talking. The hosts appear)

Strong Bad: Okay, okay, time for you guys to give Earthworm Jim and Frankie your gifts.

Marzipan: Right. Before the show started, each of you brought a gift that you want to give to your potential soulmate. Five girls...

Haruka: (clear throats) Ahem.

Marzipan: Oops. I mean four girls brought gifts for Earthworm Jim while five boys and 1 lesbian brought gifts for Frankie. Keep in mind that the gifts may reveal details about the 10 contestants' personal lives.

Strong Bad: Or not. Who cares? Ladies first. All right, Sarah Goodman, you're up first.

Sarah: Wheeee!

Sarah: (bows down) For you...

(Earthworm Jim smiles as he opened it up to see an arm of a cameraman.)

Earthworm Jim: What the-

Sarah: That's the cameraman's other arm! Like it? I sawed it off just for you...

Earthworm Jim: Uh... sure... (looks ready to barf)

Paul: (just staring) Okay, it's official... she's more than a moron... she's an assassin.

Bowser Jr. (C.S.) Okay, what the hell? Was this part of the script?

Bobcat: (C.S., under chair) Not really... but this is that freaking assassin you're talking about...

Marzipan: Interesting gift... (whispers to Strong Sad) Get rid of it!

Strong Sad: Why me?

Strong Bad: We said so!

(As Strong Sad got rid of the head...)

Strong Bad: Danny, you're up next!

Danny: Here you are... (gives Frankie a diamond ring)

Frankie: (blushes) Oh, how sweet.

Strong Bad: Princess, you're up next...

Princess: (Growls as she went up to Jim) Here! (throws Earthworm Jim golden space suit. He smiles)

Earthworm Jim: Hey... what I always wanted! Thanks!

Princess: Don't push it...

Strong Bad: Try not to wear that in public, Jim, someone might steal it...

Earthworm Jim: Not to worry... I'll just keep it in the safe in my room.

Strong Bad: Here you are... Haruka?

Haruka: Here's my gift, Frankie...

Frankie saw that it was a picture of Haruka.

Frankie: A picture of you...

Haruka: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

Frankie: Yikes! No, no, it's all good...

Haruka: (C.S.) I know she's just going to throw the picture away later...

Strong Bad: Kuki?

Kuki smiled as she gave Earthworm Jim a Rainbow Monkey.

Jim: Ok un thanks

Bender: That's your gift? HAHAHAHAHA!

(Kuki whimpered, then cried as she ran off.)

Bender: What did I do?

Strong Bad: Bender, your turn.

Bender opened up his compartment and pulled out a huge diamond. Very huge, bigger than Danny's.

Frankie: (eyes widen) Uh... thanks.

Strong Bad: Where the heck did you get that?

(FLASHBACK)

We see a huge Klopman Diamond in New New York. Bender smirks and takes it when no one's looking, without raising alarms.

(END FLASHBACK)

Bender: (C.S.) Do you really want to know where I got it?

Strong Bad: Okay, Bowser Jr.

(Bowser Jr. just threw a model castle at Frankie.)

Bowser Jr.: There you go. Toy castle. (mutters) Big waste of my life!

Strong Bad: Your turn, Bobcat.

Bobcat: Well, finally! Here you are. (gives Frankie a red hood) I got this from the last girl I... uh... dated.

Frankie: (uncomfortable) Uh... thanks.

Strong Bad: Okay, Heather, your turn...

Heather: Uh... I don't have a gift... Nobody told me...

Sarah: Here, you can give this to him... (gives Heather box)

Heather: Oh... uh... thanks, Crazy Girl Part 2. (gives Jim box) Here you are...

Jim: (whispers) I bet it's the head of the cameraman...

Sarah: (smiles crazily) Actually, it's just his right leg...

(Everyone turns to see the cameraman filming, as he was holding the camera with his left leg, no arms or right leg.)

Jim: Yeah... throwing it with the others...

Strong Bad: Last but not least... Paul.

Paul: I don't have much in the gift compartment, but I can give you one of my Pokemon. (gives Frankie a Poke Ball.)

Frankie: Uh... thanks.

Most of the others were shocked.

Princess: (C.S.) I guess Paul really wants to get laid...

Bobcat: (C.S.) WHAT DID I TELL YOU? SHE'S A FREAKING ASSASSIN, THAT SARAH GIRL!

(Later that night, as everyone was sleeping, Bobcat got up... and smirked)

Bobcat: (C.S.) According to the script, I'm supposed to 'grab someone's ass' and have a girl scream... well, I was going to do that...

(Bobcat walked in one room, and turned on the lights. Kuki was up, and screaming.)

Kuki: AHH! STOP!

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES AGAIN!

(Bobcat walked out.)

Kuki: (C.S.) Yeah, Bobcat was going according to script... so was I... the script said that Bobcat wouldn't touch me, just see him and scream... that was the cue for every girl, except for Heather. Yep, all except Heather, every girl... right? (pause) Uh... right?

(Bobcat then turned on the light in another room)

Haruka: HEY! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GAY!

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES AGAIN!

(Bobcat then went into another room, Heather was sleeping soundly. Bobcat then groped Heather's ass, waking her up. She turned and screamed.)

Heather: What the hell?

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES AGAIN!

Heather: (C.S.) Okay, what the hell? You do not grope my ass, Bobcat! You will pay dearly!

(Bobcat then walked into Princess's room and turned on the lights)

Princess: (standing on her bed) HEY! STOP THAT!

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES AGAIN! (Bobcat ran out.)

(Bobcat then goes into Frankie's room and turns on the light!)

Frankie: (Growls) BOBCAT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES AGAIN! (Bobcat ran out.

(Bobcat was nearing the final room, taking a deep breath)

Bobcat: Okay... deep breath... she's behind, ready to scream... Time to get in!

(Bobcat ran in Sarah's room.)

Bobcat: THE BOBCAT AVENGER STRIKES-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(We see Sarah holding up a flamethrower, smirking)

Sarah: (C.S.) In the script, I was supposed to be acting helpless toward Bobcat... but as I say, screw the script!

(Sarah then activated her flamethrower and put fire in her room, and fire was nearly torching Bobcat)

Bobcat: OUCH! OUCH! AHHHHHHH! No, don't! YEOWCH! THAT CAN'T BE REAL FIRE! AAHHHHH!!

Sarah: (smiling crazy) BURN BABY BURN!

Bobcat: (C.S., covered in burn marks) Change of plans for the future... DON'T go in Sarah's room! It's clearly booby-trapped, and she's involved... and I never want to associate myself with an assassin.

Sarah: (C.S., smiling as she was burning the confessional room with her flamethrower) Did you see the look on that wolf's face? That was so hilarious!

Heather: (C.S.) I mean, really! Who gropes people's asses in their slee- (turns around) Was somebody having a barbecue in this room?

Princess: (C.S.) Once again, due to Sarah's craziness, we have to move the confessional rooms. This time, we're inside the closet. Anyway, I'm glad that the Bobcat thing was over... even though I know it's fake... now I can get some sleep!

(The next day, we see a shot of a boxing ring as the contestants arrive in boxing clothes.)

******************************

CHALLENGE 1: SNAKE BOXER REALITY

*******************************

(The hosts are waiting with Earthworm Jim and Frankie in the audience)

Strong Bad; All right, it's time for your first challenge of this romantic show. Time for you to see how far you can go to win your soulmate's love. We called this the Rocky boxing kinda thing, You are now in boxing clothes so let's see how far you can deal with....

(Strong Bad takes out a microphone and yell into it)

Strong Bad: SNAKE BOXER REALITY!!!

Contestants: Whoa!

Marzipan: Coach Z, you will instruct.

Coach Z: All righty, here are the rules. Each of you will go into the ring one by one, fighting off the snakes and such. You each get 3 lives but not to worry, you ain't going to get killed. A buzzing sound will be heard if you lose all your energy.

Strong Mad: BUZZ!

Coach Z: Like that. You fight a snake without getting bit, until the snake goes down or you lose all lives and energy. Whoever knock down the least snakes wins this challenge and a hot tu session with their soulmate, a girl for Jimbo or a boy for Frankie.

Homsar: (holds out hat) Daaah, I ain't going to lie to you. This is the Cat in the Haty.

Marzipan: In other words, you have to pick a number and the players go in 1, 2, 3.

Bender: (C.S.) Okay, what Paul and Heather don't know is that we actors get robotic snakes wearing snakes programmed to make sure that Sarah wins the whole thing. They will get real snakes.

(The players get some numbers. Here's the order....)

1. Paul

2. Kuki Sanban

3. Bender

4. Haruka Tenoh

5. Princess Morbucks

6. Bowser Jr.

7. Bobcat the Wolf

8. Sarah Goodman

9. Heather

10. Danny Fenton

************

(We see Paul in the ring, getting ready to fight with a real snake)

Paul: All right, snake, give me all you got.

Frankie: Okay, Paul! Go for it! Win it, honey!

Paul: (C.S.) That girl is cheering for me big time. Eh, perhaps that hot tub with her will be mine.

Coach Z: Ready, set...go!

(The two quickly fight for a few minutes or so. Paul was able to knock down 5 snakes, but was defeated after that.)

Marzipan: 5 snakes. Not bad.

Strong Bad: Whiny girl!

(Kuki got into the ring with a smile)

Kuki: Hi!!!

Strong Bad: Shut up and fight...

(Numbuh 3 shot the snake then scream in fear as she run out of the ring and the area)

Homestar: Uhhhhh, what happened?

Marzipan: (sighs) Kuki is disqualified, I guess.

Heather: (smirks) Dumb bitch.

Numbuh 3: (C.S.) Actually, unknown to Paul and Heather, it was scripted that I get freaked out by the snake and leave the arena. (pause) Okay, I am really scared of snakes but I did make it so real, right?

Strong Bad: Robot!

(Bender gets in as the 'robotic' snakes entered.)

Bender: (pulls out bottle of beer before shaking it and sending it to the robotic snakes, making them slither)

Strong Bad: (frowns) Hey, disqualification!

Bender: (shrugs as he gots off)

Bender: (C.S.) Yep, scripted I'd do that... did I mention the robot snakes has an immunity to liquid so they don't short circuit?

(Haruka nodded as she went up. The snakes hissed at her.)

Haruka: So I'm gay... YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH IT?

(Three snakes fell down on the ground, but two defeated Haruka)

Strong Bad: Only three snakes... Princess?

Princess: No, I quit...

Strong Bad: (frowns) Oh come on!

Princess: I don't care, I'm not going in there!

Strong Bad: Fine... Princess is out! Bowser Jr.?

(Bowser Jr. smirked as he flamed seven snakes...)

Strong Bad: And that just beat Paul's record... Bobcat?

Bobcat: No thanks, not interested! Let the assassin go!

Strong Bad: Okay... Sarah?

(Sarah smiled as she walked in. She looked at the snakes... then frowned. Everyone was watching her... Sarah sweatdropped as she looked at Strong Bad. Strong Bad looked worried.

Strong Bad: (C.S.) What is going on? She looked like she didn't know what to do?

Sarah: (C.S.) I didn't know what to do! I freaked... I forgot what the challenge was!

Sarah looked around and saw one snake coming. She took out one snake... then ran out... leaving most of the others dumbfounded.

Bender: (C.S.) What the f*** was that? We were expecting Sarah to do her job! She only got one snake! (slaps his head) Geez...

Bobcat: (C.S.) Geez, the greatest assassin in the world... forgets her part? Jesus Christ, Sarah, you just failed!

Strong Bad: (C.S.) While it was shocking that Sarah failed to do her job... I figured, meh, a few changes in the script wouldn't hurt... I'm still going to declare Sarah the winner...

Strong Bad: Okay... Heather?

Heather: (smirks) Watch...

(Heather came in as the snakes approached. Heather quickly grabbed one snake and twisted his head, following another snake, and another, and another...)

Bowser Jr.: Damn! Look at her go!

Haruka: (C.S.) Okay, Heather may be a little tougher than we thought...

Strong Bad: And Heather is in the lead with 18 snakes killed.

Heather: Beat that.

(Danny came in and took out 10 snakes.)

Strong Bad: Okay... here's how the scores tally up... Heather lead with 18 snakes, Danny has 10, Bowser Jr. has 7, Paul has 5, Haruka has 3, and Sarah has 1. In the end, the winner is...

(Heather smirked as she took one foot off...)

Strong Bad: Sarah Goodman!

(Sarah cheered as she walked out.)

Heather: Wait, what? You said if one of us defeated the most snakes, we get the prize!

Strong Bad: Did any of us say that? We meant to say the "least" amount of snakes... we mis-spoke...

Marzipan: Yeah, our bad...

Sarah: (sighs in relief) Oh thanks, guys... thanks for the win...

Earthworm Jim: I'm honored to see you at our date... (mutters) God help me so I don't get killed... (normal voice) so, I'll see you at the hot tub!

Sarah: (smirks) I'll get the chainsaw ready!

Sarah: (C.S.) Well, I felt so relieved that I won, even though I know it's scripted... also, I pretended to act scared... I wanted to throw the hosts and contestants for a loop, so I knew they'd be changing the script... besides, the original way that I was supposed to be winning was boring, so I changed it.

Earthworm Jim: (C.S.) Remind the cast to hurt Sarah if she doesn't hurt us first...

Heather: (C.S.) Okay, what the hell? I know that that guy said the one with the most snakes! (sighs) But I suppose I can let it go... I'm still a little suspicious though... maybe it's just me...

??? ???: Not so fast!

Strong Bad: Whoa! Is this THE greatest coincidence of all time! It's Assistant Tongue Forker David D.!

"David D.": Nice to see you again, Strong Bad!

"David D."(C.S.): Yep. That's right. I, Bad Asp, am THE "David D." from Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People! But what Paul and Heather don't know is that I'm hosting another "reality series" similar to this one, in which I punk Mikey Simon and Ema Maeda! I love being a cameo!

Paul: Whoa!

Heather: You know him?

Strong Bad: Of course! The two of us go WAAAY back, man!

"David D.": That's right! And I was thinkin'... since Earthworm Jim gets a hot tub date with Sarah, I figured... why can't Frankie get a chance to go on a hot tub date with one of the guys?

Strong Bad: So... this challenge isn't over?

"David D.": Yep! That was just Round 1! In Round 2, only the guys can compete for the right to go on a hot tub date with Frankie!

Marzipan: Um, okay, if that's what you want...

Frankie: NOW we're talkin'!

Paul(C.S.): Yes! I get another chance to hot tub it with Frankie!

Strong Bad: (C.S.) Okay, now this isn't scripted, this is the real deal! Now we got 5 guys and 1 lesbian completing.

Marzipan: (C.S.) Actually it was scripted. Strong Bad just didn't read that part of this script.

(We cut to Round 2 as the guys and Haruka are in the ring once more)

Coach Z: Okie dokie, now it's time for Round 2 for you guys...and Haruka to win the hot tub date with Frankie. Your challenge just got hellva lot bigger.

Paul: Let's get it over with, Coach Geek.

Coach Z: Right, because you will be dealing with a rare bleed of snakes...

Strong Mad: THAT ONES THAT SHOOT FIRE!!!

(The players yelp, well Paul is the only one actually doing it, as fire breathing snakes appear)

Coach Z: Rules are the same along with who drew what, only most is involved here. Paul is up first, then Bender, Haruka Tenoh, Bowser Jr., Bobcat the Wolf and Danny Fenton.

Danny: I'm ready.

Bender: I'm going to kick some ass!

Paul: (C.S.) This is perfect, I have deal with flames from my former Fire flaming Pokemon before so this won't be hard.

Coach Z: Also, when you get the bathtub, it will be in separate rooms, just for some alone time.

Homestar: (C.S.) Paulie doesn't know but the game is rigged once more. This time we're going to have Haruka win it. Hee hee. I just love the smell of flames in the morning, night or afternoon.

Marzipan: (C.S.) Homestar, did you mess up with my natural grow shampoo again?

Homestar: (C.S.) What?

(Paul came up to the snakes and... was immediately burned.)

Paul: HEY!

Strong Bad: Robot...

(Bender did the same thing as last time, getting him disqualified.)

Strong Bad: Haruka?

(Haruka came up to the snakes. They breath fire...)

Haruka: Yes, I'm a girl! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!

(With that, all the snakes fell down, dead.)

Haruka: (smirks) That was easy.

Strong Bad: Bowser Jr.

(Bowser Jr. yawned as he went over and breathed on everything but one. Bowser Jr. turned around)

Bowser Jr.: Again, big waste of my life.

Bobcat: Skip me. I'm going to be hiding in the pool table for a while.

Paul: (rolls eyes) Sarah is at Reward!

Bobcat: You never know!

(Bobcat then ran out.)

Strong Bad: Danny.

(Danny then punched 18 snakes again.)

Strong Bad: Well, Danny has 18, Bowser Jr. has 19, and Haruka killed all 20 snakes.

Paul: (rolls eyes) Meaning Danny wins?

Strong Bad: Nope, Haruka wins.

Haruka: (smirks) Good... (turns to Frankie with evil glaring eyes)

Heather: (notices) Wait... I thought you said the person with the least score won!

Strong Bad: That was for Round 1. This is Round 2, where the one with the MOST snakes wins.

Heather: (C.S.) I'm sorry, but I just need to point out that plot hole! It's just a little bit of a bugger!

Strong Bad: Excuse me guys while I get my laptop.

(We see the contestants in the courtyard as Strong Bad came back with his laptop)

Strong Bad: All right, back!

Kuki: I like your new laptop, Strong Bad.

Strong Bad: Thank you. I'm going to check my e-mail, my e-mail, and, last but not least, my e-mail!

(Strong Bad, holding his laptop in one boxing glove, did some clicking with the other)

Bowser Jr.: Hey, how the hell are ya able to type with boxing gloves on?

Strong Bad: How is it you were able to breathe fire?! Hell, we don't know, do we?!

Paul: (C.S.) Okay, I admit the whole laptop is interesting but why here and now? And what is he up to?

Sarah: (C.S.) (pulls out chainsaw) This is going to be interesting... I wonder what the message is...

Strong Bad: Okay, here's a message. Ha ha ha ha ha! We got an E-Mail Twist.

Marzipan: In other words, these twists are the ones that show up, good or bad. This one is the first eviction. As of right now, Earthworm Jim is going to evict one of you from the mansion, in which only 9 will remain.

Heather: Wow...

Haruka: Nice, but who will be the one to go?

Strong Bad: (evil laughter) Well, I hope you lovely ladies aren't too attached to Jim because 1 of the girls, minus the lesbian one, are going.

(The woman gasp in shock, well mostly Heather)

Heather: (C.S.) You got to be kidding! After all this, Jim is going to evict one of us ladies! This is bulls**t!!!

Paul: Wait, what about the men? Shouldn't we get evicted by Frankie as well?

Homestar: Boys, you get to stay another day! Hooray!

(The six contestants cheer)

Paul: Good!

Bobcat: (V.O.) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paul: (C.S.) Eh, one of those idiotic bitches are going home. Perfect. I am closer to victory.

Strong Bad: All right, ladies, I will be hosting the eviction so Marzipan can drop out.

Marzipan: (frowns) I hate you, you know that?

Coach Z: All right, the eviction won't happen until later on, so you got plenty of time to kill...

Strong Bad: Ixnay on the killing, Coach Z.

(Coach Z turns to see Sarah holding a flamethrower)

Coach Z: (realizes) Oops! I mean you got plenty of time to do whatever until then.

Strong Bad: Later, ladies!

Heather: (C.S.) The truth is, I don't really care as long as one of those girls is not me. That money and such will be mine. Yeay, I may have to keep the worm idiot but still...

Paul: (C.S.) The prizes and Frankie will be mine. I am closer to victory, I can smell it...

***********

(We see the girls, minus Sarah and Haruka, hanging out)

Kuki: How sad that one of us girls are going to be leaving soon.

Princess: I wonder how Earthworm Jim and Sarah doing?

(Inside the hot tub, we see Earthworm Jim screaming as Sarah is hanging him by line and hook over it)

Earthworm Jim: Sarah! I am not that kind of worm! Knock it off!

Sarah: (giggling) Come on, let's see if there's any hungry fish!

Earthworm Jim: (C.S.) Okay, I was pretty sure this wasn't part of the script!

(Cut to the girls again)

Heather: I wonder if I could stay around.

Princess: Well, you didn't hear this from me, girls, but I overheard Jim talking earlier. He mentioned about a girl who he has taken a fond to. I don't know who it is but it's one of you gals.

Kuki: (giggles) Right!

Heather: One of those girls meaning me, right?

Princess: I said I don't know!

Heather: Well, my chances just got better.

Heather: (C.S.) You girls don't have a chance!

Princess: (C.S.) Scripted, folks, just to let Heather's guard down. Heh heh. This is going to be interesting. (hears chainsaw revving) Uh... is Sarah back so soon...

(Cut to the guys talking, well, minus Bobcat inside a room playing pool)

Paul: Where's Bobcat at?

Bowser Jr.: Either hiding from Sarah, or stalking. But probably stalking. Hey, how about a game of pool? We're doing bets.

Bowser Jr.: (C.S.) Paulie has no idea that we are scripted to get him to play...and win all from him.

Paul: (smirks) Well, I hate to brag but I am a craftsman when it comes to Pool.

Bender: So are we. (pulls beer out of compartment and drinks) What a coincidence!

Danny: How much are you willing to bet?

Paul: I got Pokemon and such...

Danny: Well, then, start playing...

Danny: (C.S.) The game is rigged, folks, so Paul will end up losing all but the clothes on his back. Hey, a naked asshole like him we don't want to see.

(Inside the other hot tub award. Frankie was hiding in a corner, but not because of Haruka's gayness, even though it's scripted, no. It was Haruka's temper.)

Haruka: I SAID YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? YOU STUPID WATER!

Frankie: (sweatdrops) Something tells me that this gay girl is going to be way, WAY different from Smithers, even though both the shows were scripted.

(We cut back to the girls)

Princess: Okay, so is there any chance that one of us, even a certain bitch, could go tonight?

Heather: I think it would be Sarah who Earthworm Jim would kick out. With that insane girl's madness, I wouldn't be surprised.

Kuki: Maybe.

Kuki: (C.S.) Sadly, Sarah will not go tonight. It would be...(yelps) Oops! Better not give away the ending!

Heather: I wish Haruka would've been the one to go but nooooo! Damn lesbos.

Princess: Tell me about it. She went after a girl in this series. So f**k up.

**************

(Cut back to the guys)

Danny: Sweet!

Bender: We're beating your ass, Paulie!

Paul: (frowns) Stop calling me that. I can't believe I am losing to you guys.

Danny: At least I didn't abuse my Pokemon like a whipped man.

Paul: Okay, losing to you is one thing but an accusation like that makes me want to seriously kick your ass.

Bowser Jr.: Go ahead and try. You could get disqualified.

Danny: Go ahead, Paulie. You want to take a shot at me, eh? Want to lose the chance at the girl???

(Paul frowns as he leave)

Paul: You ain't worth it! I am not risking getting thrown out just for another fight with you.

Danny: That Paul, a big wuss even when Cartoon Survivor is over.

Danny: (C.S.) Staged fights. You gotta love them.

**************

(It is almost the end of the episode, time for the first eviction ceremony. The ten contestants arriving in a dimly lit room which looks suspiciously like Strong Bad's TV room. Earthworm Jim and Frankie were there as the contestants enter)

Heather: (C.S.) This room is so dark, like a room of doom. If you want to break up with a girl, this is the place to do so.

Paul: (C.S.) I was a bit nervous at first, but then I remember that I am not a girl so ha!

Strong Bad: All right, boys and girls. The reason you're here is simple. The girls are here because one of them is going to get evicted worst than George W. Bush after his second term. The boys because they should see.

The Cheat: Meh meh meh meh meh meh.

Strong Bad: Right, 5 of you hot ladies are vulnerable with your fate resting in Earthworm Jim's hands.

(The women look nervous, with Heather being the one doing it for real)

Strong Bad: Okay, in order for you to stay in the mansion and this game, Earthworm Jim will give you what every girl wishes to get from a man....

Homestar: Is it the black balls?? Is it the black balls?

Strong Bad: (annoyed) No! It's a pearl necklace!

(Strong Bad hold up a box with 3 pearl necklaces inside)

Strong Bad: This is the first Pearl Necklace Eviction Ceremony in the game, which we didn't rip off from those asses in the AA and stole these things from them without noticing. 3 of you ladies will stay, but one of you must leave. Anyway, if you want Earthworm Jim to keep you, step forward and plead your case. Kuki, we will start with you.

Kuki: (stepping forward) Hi! I may be a kid and all the girls want ya to give them a Pearl Necklace...but I think that thing looks soooo cute! Give me one, please, please, please?

Strong Bad: Okay, stop crying and get back in line.

(Kuki got back into place with the other girls)

Strong Bad: Okay, Princess b****! Your turn!

Princess (steps forward) Look, I am the hottest and powerful one in this goddamn girl group. Keep me here because I can serious rock your world.

Homestar: It's true. You should see her when grown up in Jules's stories.

(Princess got back into place)

Strong Bad: Okay, next up is Sarah.

Sarah: I WANT YOUR SOUL AND ASS!!!

Earthworm Jim: (sweatdrop) Okay....

Strong Bad: And finally, Heather whatever your last name is!

Heather: (frowns) I got a last name.

Strong Bad: Look, just give your address already. I want to kick some hottie out today!

Heather: Fine. I know I made some mistakes in the past but so do you, Jim. I think you're the perfect guy for me, we can share our mistakes today. I hope you know that too and keep me around. Thanks.

(Heather took her place)

Strong Bad: Okay, Jim, got anything to say to the ladies?

Earthworm Jim: (steps forward) Right. I got to say, earlier I had to get rid of 5 ladies, now I gotta get rid of one. I wish I can keep all of you but sadly, that isn't the case. It hurts, but these things happen.

(Earthworm Jim takes his position)

The Cheat: Meh meh, meh meh me meh.

Strong Bad: Correct, The Cheat. Time for the elimination ceremony. Earthworm Jim will decide which one of you lovely ladies get a Pearl Necklace. If your name is called, step forward and get one from the bachelor. If your name isn't called, you're out! Earthworm Jim, shall we begin?

Earthworm Jim: Grooby!

(Earthworm Jim look at the four female contestants carefully. Only 3 of them will get Pearl Necklaces, but who will be the first?)

Earthworm Jim: Hmmmmmmmmm........

Homestar: Don't do that. It remind me of when I have oil for lunch.

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Earthworm Jim: Princess!

(Princess smirks as she step forward to take her place)

Earthworm Jim: May I give you this Pearl Necklace?

Princess: (smirks) Hell, I thought you would never ask.

(Earthworm Jim pick up one of the 3 necklaces, giving it to the girl, around her neck. The bitch join the others as Heather, Kuki and Sarah remain.)

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Earthworm Jim: Heather!

(Heather step forward (well, no crap, she's the Jane Schmo, she gotta stick around) as she take her place)

Earthworm Jim: May I give you this Pearl Necklace?

Heather: Thank you!

(Earthworm Jim give Heather the second Pearl Necklace, putting it around her neck. Now the actual contestant join the others)

Strong Bad: Now only Kuki and Sarah are left. Would've gotten Haruka involved but she's a lesbian...

Haruka: GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!

Strong Bad: Anyway, the other lady will be kicked out, got it? Okay, Jim, give out the last Pearl Necklace.

(Earthworm Jim look at the last two girls carefully....carefullly...finally...)

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Earthworm Jim: Sarah.

Others (minus Kuki): What?!

(Sarah steps forward, taking her place)

Earthworm Jim: Shall I give you a...

Sarah: (swipes last Pearl Necklace) Mine, mine!!!

Earthworm Jim: (sweatdrop) Well, I will take that as a yes.

(Sarah join the others who nervously pace away from her)

Earthworm Jim: (to Kuki) Sorry, kid, you're a bit too young for me.

Kuki: Awww, that's okay. It wasn't meant to be anyway.

Strong Bad: Yeah, yeah, it is decided. Kuki is evicted from the mansion. Any last words?

Kuki: Yes, I got one: what's f**king queer mean?

Strong Bad: Ask your parents! Get out of here! Strong Mad!

Strong Mad: FORGIVE ME, GIRL!

(Strong Mad pick up Kuki and drag her out of the room. Once she's gone, Strong Bad talk to the remaining contestants)

Strong Bad: Well, people do whatever it takes for love, even the weirdest of things. Think about this and avoid further mistakes. We will see you tomorrow.

Homestar: Until then, this is Homestar out.

(The Homestar Runner cast left)

Heather: (C.S.) Wow, I am one of the girls that Earthworm Jim has chosen. I'm lucky. Though why the hell did he kept Sarah around? That girl is a psycho! I wonder if she threatened him or something.

Kuki: (C.S.) Hey guys! Yep, it was scripted that I gotta go, I thought what I said earlier was a foreshadowing. I am glad to be leaving as scripted. Wally would be upset if I won.

Wally: (V.O.) Kuki!

Kuki: (C.S.) Okay, bye bye!)

****END EPISODE 1****

NEXT TIME ON PAUL AND HEATER SCHMOS:
-Strong Bad give the contestants a reason to cry!
-A challenge is made involved a room of farts! Who will make it the longest without leaving in a hurry?
-Find out how the guys get evicted this season!
-And a lot more...