Daffy Duck: Tunes in Tights chapter 6

Chapter 6: The Chapter of Training

It was the next day as toons are lining up to sign in to be part of Daffy's Toony Men. Some of the recruits are Elliott (Open Season), Puss in Boots (Shrek franchise), Buck (Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs), Scrat (Ice Age), Tod (The Fox and the Hound; as a full anthro), Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo. They are mainly be there to practice if they got the Robin Hood role in any future fanmake with one of them as the lead role.

AS the new recruits got their items and uniforms, Daffy calls out, "All righty, everyone! Get your clothes and equipment, then prepare yourselves for the training sequence!"

SpongeBob calls out to the new recruits, "All right, you boys and girls! Grab your hats, shotguns, bodkins, shoes, sword, quivers..."

"And pantyhose!" Patrick exclaims happily to the new recruits who got the stuff mentioned.

The training begins as the new recruits are either in warrior clothing or tights. They stood in front of an archery range as their new teacher/leader explains to them as to what to do.

"All right, the point of this exercise is to hit the target." Daffy instructs his men. He then aims an arrow and fires at the target. The trainees look impressed by that. "Okay! Now you try."

The trainees got into position for training. However, some of them are having trouble getting their arrows or keeps trying one. One of them tries to reach for his arrows, making Daffy sighs in disbelief. This could be a problem.

Sure enough, it is a problem! The trainees got to work on firing their arrows, but some of them either goes off, smacking some of them, didn't send the arrows firing, and one of them is fired backwards, hitting someone else hard. A yell of pain is heard.

"My leg," Someone is heard screaming.

"Sorry!" Elliott apologizes to whom he hit.

SpongeBob watches this, laughing, "I had a feeling the running gag from my show would be used again."

Another trainee's bow broke, making him cry like a girl. The last recruit pulls his bow too long, much to his confusion.

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Next up, the recruits are on horses, ready for the next part of their exercise.

"Now then, everyone. Keep your eye on Speedy and do what he does." Daffy instructs his future Toony Men with a nod.

Speed is riding on another horse, charging with a lance and knocking down a dummy on a fake horse. His friends cheers on for him.

"Well done!" Daffy exclaims with a smile to Speedy.

"Awww, that ain't so hard." A recruit said arrogantly. "We could do that."

"Piece of cake," Another trainee remarks eagerly and full of confident. If a mouse could knock a dummy off, everyone else can too, right?

"Yeah!" Everyone else exclaims in agreement.

"All right, good job, Speedy." Daffy said impressed as Speedy came up to him. The recruits got to do better with that. The duck got a gun out, ready to fire to give his men the signal. "Ready? Get set?" The men prepares to take on the dummies...who got heads made out of cereal boxes and soup cans. Daffy then fires into the air. "Charge!

The trainees roar as they charge at the dummies with their lances, letting out a war cry. The new recruits got closer and...were all hit by the dummies, knocking them all off their damn horses. Daffy and his friends groans a bit in confusion and disbelief.

Gonzo sighs, "You know, maybe we should take the dummies into battle."

Which ones," Daffy ask Gonzo dryly.

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It was a bit later as Daffy took them to another part of the forest, to do the next part of the tree, with him holding a rope while standing on a branch of a tree.

"Now then, I betcha you all can't mess this up! The object to swinging is to get a good grip on the rope. Watch." Daffy sad with a confident smile. The duck jumps off, swinging down. "Yoicks and away!"

Daffy swings and...slams into another tree. The duck, dizzy, tries again while saying, "Yoicks and away!" The duck swing once more, only to hit the next tree, "Yoick and away!" Daffy swung again, but hits another tree. "Yoicks and away!"

This goes on for a while as everyone watch Daffy hitting more trees, trying to swing down. His friends roll their eyes, apparently not impressed.

"Yoicks and...away!" Daffy groans as he hits the last tree on the bottom. The duck, pissed, got up, having enough, "Why you!

Daffy got out an ax and begins chopping at the bottom tree. In fact, he does this to every tree that the duck slammed into during the swinging progress. In fact, a while later, all the trees were cleared up and he's back on the first tree, ready to swing once more.

"Good job." Gonzo said, impressed. "I think Jus must've done this bit parodying the Robin Hood Daffy cartoon the third time!"

"Big deal," Sweetums remarks with a grunt. "He did the staff swinging from the same cartoon too."

"Now then, yoicks..." Daffy calls out as he swings down on the rope once more. "...and away!"

Daffy grins as he swings over all the trees that he cut down in success. Everyone cheers on, making the duck smile...but then he turns and accidentally collided onto a rock hard.

"Mother," Daffy groans a bit in pain as he fell down to the ground.

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"Order! People, order," Daffy calls out to everyone, getting to the next part of the training. He recovered from the rock one and is now trying to get the recruits' attention on this course.

"I'd like a pan-fried noodle!" Buck jokes a bit, much to Daffy's annoyance.

"Oh, oh, a dish of spaghetti and meatballs!" Tod remarks, joining in on the joke.

"Moo-goo gai pan!" Yogi jokes. They all started laughing.

Daffy sarcastically remarks, "Cute. Very cute," The duck then snaps in a normal tone, "Listen up!" They all stopped laughing and stood at attention. The duck looks at them while Sweetums hands him the bow and arrows. "Alright, now I know you haven't improved since we began, but I believe that practice makes progress. Now, just to remind you all again, every morning you will assemble swiftly and silently. Anyone who acts otherwise will have to answer to me."

Puss in Boots smirks as he comments, "Ooh, tough guy." Unfortunately for him, Daffy turns and aims an arrow at him.

"Puss in Boots," Daffy calls out. The recruits all took a step back behind Puss, while he yelped, knowing that remark was a big mistake.

"Uh oh."

Gonzo and Speedy, however, smirk as they watch on. Daffy then shoots the arrow upward as it hits the top of a pole nearby.

"Thanks for volunteering, now retrieve the arrow." Daffy calls out to Puss in Boots with a smirk.

"I'll get that arrow for ya," Puss remark, then he mumbles under his breath, "smart duck." He prepares to climb the pole, but then is stopped.

"Hold it! You'll need these!" Daffy calls out to Puss. Gonzo hands him two bronze disks attached to bands. He takes the disks and hands one to Puss, which nearly broke his arm as it fell to the ground. That is a heavy disk! "That represents discipline! And this represents strength!"

He gives Puss the other weight, which sends him to the ground. Some of the other recruits snicker at this, while others will think of it as a challenge.

"You'll need both to reach the arrow." Daffy remarks with a smirk to the cat. This will teach him to speak out of line.

Puss groans at how high the arrow is but manages to get the weights tied to his hands, he begins to climb, but starts slipping. He tries to stop his fall with his teeth, but falls down anyway. Next, Scrat tries to do the same thing but he ends up falling to the ground on face. Sweetums tries next to show them how it's done, but falls to the ground on his butt with a thud, causing the pole to jump in the air, due to the big guy's weight.

A few of the other trainees try and reach the arrow, but each of them fail, because they couldn't hold the weights. The last one to try was Plucky, who like the others, failed to reach the arrow and landed on his butt hard as he grunted in pain and a small jingle sound was heard.

"Ow! I think I landed on my keys!" Plucky groans.

Plucky rubbed his butt in pain. Meanwhile, Daffy and his group sighed.

"We got a long way to go here." Daffy comments to his boys who nodded in agreement.

"You know, it's funny, that I'm going to experience this when I play Ling in that upcoming Muppet fanmake of Mulan." Gonzo remarks.

Next, Daffy tosses staffs to the recruits. Boo-Boo tries to get his but Plucky grabs it first. With a mischievous smirk, the green duck trips the bear with the staff knocking him down. Boo-Boo frowns at Plucky who just drops the staff to him as Daffy begins to sing, while holding HIS staff firmly.

Daffy: Let's get down to business

He made two clay pots fly into the air and uses his own staff to break them, much to the amazement of those watching.

To take back our lands

The recruits yelled out as they put their staffs at arms length, "Huah!

Then, Yogi finishing a banana, threw the peel on the ground, near Plucky. Plucky, not seeing it, started slipping and sliding around the area, while flailing like mad.

Gonzo: With this amateur army,

During this, Plucky ends up waving the staff out of control causing him to knock down the fellow recruits.

I think we're in bad hands

The ones in Daffy's group, watching on, looked embarrassed as Speedy slapped himself on the forehead.

Daffy: You're the saddest bunch
I've ever met

Daffy sees the madness and decides to put a stop to it as he somersault into the air, much to the amazement of some of the recruits, and landed near Plucky, still slipping around.

But you can bet before we're through

Daffy yelps as Plucky hits him the stomach but he finally got him to stop and take control. Then the black duck took the green duck's staff away as he looked at the recruits.

People
We'll make real toons out of you

At another training ground, Daffy was trying to familiarize everyone with the "William Tell" practice of shooting arrows through apples. Daffy launched three apples and shot an arrow successfully at each of them and at the tree.

Tranquill as a forest

Elliott sneakily put an apple on his arrow.

But on fire within

Daffy noticed what the trainee was doing, and gave him a stern look, thinking he was cheating, which caused Elliott to smile sheepishly. We now see Sweetums with a bucket of water on his head balancing it while holding the staff. The recruits throw stones at him trying to knock the ogre off balance but he deflects the stones with his staff with no problem.

Sweetums: Once you find your center
You are sure to win

When it was Scrat's turn to have a bucket of water on head, he was having troubles. To make matters, the recruits with glee throws stones at him very fast causing the bucket to spill on his head messing him up.

You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue

Gonzo now grabs a fish out a river showing the troops, even Tom and Jerry, how to fish.

Daffy: Somehow
We'll make real toons out of you!

Jerry grins as he tries to grab a fish. The mouse seems to got one...only to realize that he grabs Tom by the foot by mistake dragging him underwater. He sees him dumbstruck making him put the foot back as if nothing has happened.

Now the recruits run through the field dodging fire arrows like mad.

Yogi: I'm never gonna catch my breath!

Tod was behind Copper only to end up falling. He yelps as an arrow hits him in the butt. That really hurt.

Copper: Say good-bye to those who knew me

SpongeBob tries to hit a stone stab on his head but not only did he failed to do that, he caused some of his teeth to fall out before he fall back onto the ground in a daze.

SpongeBob: Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Then Loud Kiddington and Froggo try to knock the dummie guards off, but fail once again and fall off their horses. They then got up as they looked at each other in concern.

Loud: Let's face it! I'm scared to death!

Froggo: Hope those guards won't run right through me!

Sweetums meanwhile jumps across poles protruding from the water.

Sweetums: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!

Sweetums then stops, which was a big mistake as Daffy, his group and the recruits crashed into him.

Recruits (Chorus): Be a toon

A cannon was fired that ended up missing a two-headed target that resembled Swackhammer and Negaduck in the middle of an open field.

Daffy: You must be swift as the coursing river

Recruits: Be a toon

Daffy sees Scrat trying to launch a rocket, but the recruit was doing it wrong. So Daffy, annoyed, showed him the proper way to launch, but suddenly, his hand gets caught in the ropes, and discovers it's lit already. Daffy's eyes widen in horror as he tried to blow out the fuse.

Sweetums: With all the force of a great typhoon

Recruits: Be a toon

The rocket and Daffy then launch into the sky, as the duck screamed. Then, the rocket blew up in the sky, as a blackened Daffy fell in the center of the forest.

Sweetums: With all the strength of a raging fire

He looked at all the troops annoyed.

"That was so cool! I want to try that next!" Gonzo exclaims excitedly.

Daffy only growled at the blue thing.

Daffy: Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

A while later, the recruits went to bed for tonight. All but Daffy who was looking at the camp from the hill frowning. The training is not doing good, not well at all.

The next day, Daffy and his troops have been laden with poles on their shoulders carrying bags of stuff on each side as they go up a mountain.

Time is of the essence til we finally strike

With a bored look, Speedy points to Spike the Dragon who is having trouble as he kept falling to the ground thanks to the weight of the bags. His friends, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy try to help him but run off just as Daffy came to Spike with a disapproval look on his face.

Heed my every order

Shaking his head, he picks up Spike's pole, puts it on his shoulders, and heads back to follow the troops while Spike sighs, thinking he has messed up big time.

And you might get my like

Later that night, some of the recruits sat by a campfire in depression, feeling as if they're disappointing Daffy and the others.

Tod: We're unsuited for the rage of war
Let's give up, this plan's a bust!

Scrat: How could they make real toons out of us?

However, Spike looked at the pole with the arrow still at the top and looked at the weights, and frowned in perseverance.

Recruits: Be a toon

Daffy: We must be swift as the coursing river

A bit later, as Daffy and his group sat by a campfire, they then heard some shouting in the distance as they left to investigate. Back near the pole, Spike was successfully climbing up the pole without a sweat this time, as the other recruits cheered him on.

Recruits: Be a toon

Gonzo: With all the force of a great typhoon

Recruits: Be a toon

SpongeBob: With all the strength of a raging fire

Daffy's group arrived and look surprised as a familiar arrow hits the ground making them look up. They see Spike sitting on the top of the pole smiling as the other troops cheer for his success.

Daffy: Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Ever since Spike's success of getting the arrow, he improved especially the troops who were amazed and inspired, thanks to him. For one example, the troops fired at the apple targets without much problems.

Recruits: Be a toon

Daffy: We must be swift as the coursing river

The smiling troops were running with the usual poles and weights on their shoulders. This time, they have no problems at all.

The troops once again were practicing charging the dummy soldiers, but this time, the dummies were knocked off. This pleased Daffy and his group much.

Sweetums: With all the force of a great typhoon

Sweetums with a smile was doing tricks on the poles laughing as the troops followed him.

Recruits: Be a toon

As the staffs are thrown to the troops once more, Boo-Boo tries to grab his but once more Plucky grabs it first. But instead of what he did to him before, Plucky smiles as he hands him the staff.

Speedy: With all the strength of a raging fire

Tod, Buck and Copper laugh as they dodged the arrows in one practice run.

The troops are seen practicing with their staffs as they screams out, "Hya!"

SpongeBob in his training destroys the block without a sweat.

The Troop practice with their staffs some more, screaming, "Hya!"

Puss manages to get a fish as he grins.

Daffy and his group: Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

The Troop practices again, screaming, "Hya!"

At the Swackhammer/Negaduck practice round once more, Yogi's rocket has succeeded in destroying the target.

The troop continue their staff practice, screaming, "Hya!"

As the song comes to an end, Daffy, his group and the recruits, in karate uniforms jump in the air like kung fu experts.

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Negaduck frowns as he comes into a room at the castle. So far, his men has failed to capture Daffy. Swackhammer must be informed!

"Sire! I must speak with you!" Negaduck exclaims quickly.

Of course, Negaduck stops near a tub. Swackhammer is inside it, having a bath of sorts while his servants are blowing bubbles via pipes into the water. The evil duck smells something, making him concern.

"What? What are you smelling," Swackhammer ask Negaduck innocently.

"Not watching, not watching." Pound said as he and his fellow Nerdlucks have to cover their eyes to avoid seeing their boss's private areas.

"Come on! These aren't MY bubbles! They're from the pipes, damn it!"

"Swackhammer, I got terrible news!" Negaduck explains seriously to Swackhammer. "Strucky has Daffed again!"

"What?" The Nerdlucks ask confused. Even Negaduck's minions are frowning at their boss's latest mistake.

Ï mean...Daffy has struck again."

"Ugh. Listen, I will be needing some privacy. So you all can blow." Swackhammer said to his men with a sigh. The blowers of course blow hard into the water, much to his irritation. "No! Not "blow", "blow" as in "get lost"!" The servants, getting the idea, took the pipes out and left the room. "Hoo boy. I am really depressed."

"Oh, trust me. Come with me and I will show you all something that will make you very happy." Negaduck said to Swackhammer with a smirk.

"Fetch the royal robe!" Bang orders Blanko to get Swackhammer’s royal robe.

"Okay!" Blanko exclaims stupidly. He went to get the robe and came back. The Nerdluck notices something on Swackhammer that no one else noticed until now. "Uh, boss? Correct me if I'm wrong, but...wasn't your mole on the other side of your face?"

"I got a mole?!" Swackhammer yelps in shock and alarm. Indeed, there is a mole on his face that the alien failed to know about until now.

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Swackhammer stood near some sort of device where Negaduck is standing in some sort of throwing mechanism. The minions watch as the so-called prince ask, "So what the hell is this thing?"

"Something we like to call a "Stealth Catapult"." Negaduck explains proudly. "It's something we have been working on secretly for months."

"It's no secret. We watched ya built it." Liquidator points out to Negaduck, though his pals shush him.

"This machine can throw one of these heavy boulders undetected, over a hundred years and completely destroying anything it hits!"

"So how does it work?" Bushroot ask Negaduck curiously. His boss never gave his henchmen any further details besides letting them watch the building.

"It's so simple, even morons like you can get it." Negaduck explains with an evil grin as he points to some stuff to help explain how this works. "Just take a heavy boulder, put it in this seat where I'm sitting, then pull that lever."

"Like this?" Blanko ask as he pulls the lever.

Bang, who was sitting in the seat at the time, yells the Goofy yell as he is sent flying to a hanging cage with an elderly prisoner named Herbert locked inside it. Bang causes the cage to fall and land on him, knocking him out. The cage door opens as the elderly man grinned.

"I'm free! I'm free!" Herbert announces. He walked around in excitement, however, a nearby guard trips him up, landing into the stockades nearby. It closed on him, locking him in. ""Dang it!"

Negaduck roll his eyes as he resets the catapult. Once the launching part is back into position, the villain then sits in the thing, speaking, "Yes, like this. See, easy, even a big fat alien like the prince can get it?"

"Oh, like this?" Swackhammer ask as, wanting to get back for the big fat alien part, he pulls the lever this time.

Without warning, the catapult, sending Negaduck screaming into the air much to the alarm of the others.

Meanwhile in her tower home, Magica was praying near her bed, speaking, "Oh lord. I know I ain't a praying duck, but if you saw fit to send me my one true love..."

Suddenly, as if her wish is granted, the roof collapses as Negaduck crashes right onto the bed, groaning. He is making a note to punish Megavolt later.

"Thank you!" Magica exclaims to the sky with a smirk. As Negaduck is recovering, he realizes, to his horror, as to where he himself is at. Negaduck yelps in horror as Magica goes over to him, hugging and wanting to be hellva "friendly". "Oh god, oh god! You're here, darling! Let me work my magic on you!"

Negaduck yelps in a panic as Magica is trying to kiss him. She kept on screaming, "Kiss me! Kiss me! Touch me, damn it!"

"No, no, no!" Negaduck exclaims in a panic as he tries to shove Magica away from him. The duck doesn't want this! "Err, I got a headache! Yes, I got a headache!"

"Oh, really? Because your shadow can't lie, darling."

Negaduck confused ask Magica, "Uh...my shadow? What do you mean?"

"Let me show you, Negaduck darling." Magica said with a devilish smirk.

Then with a snap of her fingers, Magica and Negaduck's shadows appeared with a bit of light in the background. At first nothing happened, but suddenly, much to Negaduck's horror and Magica's delight, their shadows came to life like magic.

But what made Negaduck even more horrified was that his shadow was humping Magica's shadow like crazy, much to his further horror as he gasped in shock and Magica's even further delight as the witch grinned pervertedly.

"Hey, hey, hey! Cut that out. STOP THAT!" Negaduck yells out angrily. Then the shadows stopped the humping, much to Magica's disappointment and Negaduck's relief. "Thank you."

Negaduck then runs off. Magica groans out in disappointment, "Wait! Where are you going?! Damn it! I was this close." The witch said to the camera, making a small symbol. "Da, I touched it though."

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During this moment, a carriage is coming into Toonwood, a horse is leading it with its driver, a rabbit by the name of Hyman Krustofsky. He doesn't like the way that his horse is moving at all. It appears to be...going drunken-like.

"I don't how you're walking. Have you been into the sacramental wine again? You're fahsnickered! Damn drunken mule." Hyman said, shaking his head in disapproval. The rabbi saw something up ahead, causing him to pull at the reins, "Whoa, whoa."

Sure enough, blocking his way was a familiar duck and his allies. Daffy grins while saying, "Hold it, friend. You are now entering the territory of Daffy Duck and his Toony Men." Hyman blinks as he looks at the group, they are mostly male allies.

"Uh...Faygeles?"

"Ugh! No!" Most of the men exclaims in disgust and alarm. Hyman is suggesting that they're all gay!

"Whoa, whoa; we're straight. Just Toony," Daffy explains clearly to the rabbi.

"So who are you, black feathers and all?" Hyman ask Daffy curiously, pondering whom the black duck is.

"I am Daffy of Duck."

"Daffy of Duck? Why, I just came from Maid Melissa, the duck whose heart you stole. You duck of thieves, you." Hyman said to Daffy, smirking at how the duck was able to win Melissa over. As Daffy came over, the rabbi sighs, "I knew her parents because they got killed during Duck Season, Lord and Lady Duck."

"Weird, some of us got the same last names." Daffy comments in how he and Melissa has the same last name.

"You know, you two were meant for each other. What a combination. Duck and Duck; No one can miss that."

"Woo-hoo, so who are you?"

"I am called Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky." Hyman explains proudly, introducing himself. "I am a purveyor of sacramental wine and mohel extraordinaire."

"Hello, rabbi." The toons said, waving to the rabbi.

"Hi, boys!"

"I thought he was dead!" Patrick exclaims in bewilderment, hearing that Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky has died recently.

"Only on the show, Patrick," SpongeBob said as he pats Patrick on the back. "Not in fan-fictions."

"Mohel? Not sure I have heard of that job." Daffy said puzzled. He hasn't heard of the word "Mohel" until now.

"Mohel, he's a very important guy." Hyman explains clearly to Daffy. "He's the one who makes circumcisions."

"Uh, so what's a circumcision?" Daffy ask Hyman curiously.

"Trust me. It's all the rage, the ladies love it."

"Oh! Well, in that case, I want two!" Sweetums requests eagerly.

"I will get one as well!" Gonzo exclaims excitedly This "circumcision" thing must be a great thing to have!

"So do I!" SpongeBob exclaims with a grin on his face.

"Okay, I'm brought. How is it done?" Daffy ask Hyman curiously, pondering as to how the whole "circumcision" is done.

"It's a snap, literally." Hyman said with a grin. The rabbit took out a small guillotine then takes a carrot, sticking it in the hole. "First, we take our little machine, then you take your little thing, I put it into this hole here and..." Hyman then activates the machine, cutting the thing into pieces. "There; nipped it!"

The heroes gasp in shock and disgust. They all got the idea as to how "circumcision" works...and doesn't like it anymore at all!

"So who wants to go first?" Hyman ask, offering one of the Toony Men to come first to give it a try.

"Err, on second thought, never mind." Sweetums said nervously, not wanting to do anything with this.

"You know what? I just remember, I already got one," SpongeBob said nervously, now wanting out of it.

"Question..." Patrick was about to ask but SpongeBob quickly pushes his friend's hand down before he say anything.

"Any chance I could get a shot? I want to try it!" Gonzo exclaims eagerly, wanting a job at the "circumcision".

"Well, I think I will have to work with a much younger crowd, besides any who are Whatevers." Hyman said, disappointed that no one, except Gonzo, want a shot at this.

Daffy decided to change the subject to get by the unpleasantness that everyone has gone through. The duck spoke, "Rabbi, you appear to be on the side of good. So how about joining us? You can share your wisdom, your counsel, and perhaps...maybe, some of your wine?"

"Well, wisdom and counsel, easy. But this is sacramental wine, which is only used to bless things." Hyman explains to Daffy that his wine is for blessing things only. The men wanting the drinks frowns, groaning in disappointment. The rabbit pauses, then he has an idea. "Hold on a minute! Look, there are things here! There's trees, rocks, birds and squirrels. Come on! Let's bless them all until we get fahsnickered! Join me!"

"YEAH!" Everyone else cheers on wildly. Looks like they get the wine after all!

"Let's hear it for the rabbi!" Speedy exclaims excitedly. Everyone cheers as Hyman passes the barrels to everyone. They are going to get drunk tonight!

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So far, Negaduck's attempts to capture Daffy has failed. And he and his Toony Men are making a mockery out of the bad guys. Swackhammer is getting pissed. Desperate measures must be made. So Negaduck calls in some outside help.

Inside the private chambers at the castle, Negaduck and his men sat at a table, talking to a woman named Mel Jones, an old friend of the villain's who is petting some sort of lizard.

"Mel, good evening," Negaduck said to Mel who then spoke in some weird ass gibberish. "Good of you to come at sort notice. And from all the way from Ashland, Oregon."

"Yes, well, it's quite a long drive." Mel spoke in a tone from the Godfather.

"Hang on, you do know that Swackhammer commanded this to be a secret meeting, right?" Bushroot ask. He notices two individuals on either side of Mel. "I mean, who are these kids?"

"Oh, just my daughter and her friend. On my right; Wybie Lovat." Mel said, pointing to a boy on her right standing near a wall. She then points to a girl on her left sitting in another chair. "And on my left is my daughter Coraline. Now..."

As if being signaled, Coraline got up, saying to Negaduck, "Okay, Negaduck, we thank you for inviting us on the day of your daughter's wedding." Negaduck and his group look confused as she continues. "I hope her daughter is a masculine one."

"Coraline, damn it; Quiet! That is for another meeting and we didn't have this one yet!"

"Oops."

As Coraline sat back down in her seat, Mel sighs as she speaks, "All right. I understand that you are being pestered by that dumb duck, Daffy Duck. And you want him rubbed out, eliminated, maybe even killed."

"Right, you put it succinctly." Liquidator said with a satisfied nod.

"Suck what now?! Are you coming onto me?!"

"No, no. He said "succinctly", it means "perfectly"." Megavolt interrupts, correcting Mel on the misunderstanding.

"Right, right, I knew that." Mel said sheepishly. She took some M&Ms from a bowl, crushing them mercilessly.

"Say, Mel, excuse me, but your lizard seems limp." Quackerjack said as he appears to notice something on Mel.

"To be honest, at my age, sometimes...OH! You mean my pet lizard!" Mel said, realizing that Quackerjack is referring to her pet lizard. She tries to wake it up, making it groans. "Nah, he's just sleeping. Charlie, Charlie. Oh, I could've been somebody. I could've been a contender. Hell, Charlie here, he got bad breath."

Suddenly Mel yelps as Charlie the Lizard spits on her hand, "Ugh! Okay, he got excited, you know. Wybie, come over here." The woman motions for Wybie to come over. He did, allowing the woman to wipe her hand onto his jacket. The boy frowns as he goes back to his wall. You bring me and my associates in here, I look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?"

Negaduck confused ask, "What?"

"What “what”?"

"“What what nothing. You said what first."

Mel frowns as if being insulted. She exclaims, "I didn't say “what!” I asked you “what!”"

"No, you said “and then, what”, and I said “what?”" Negaduck points out. Looks like another misunderstanding is happening here! Hoo boy.

"No, I said “What what,” like what “what”!"

Negaduck paused for a bit, still looking confused.

Negaduck spoke first, "You said “What” first."

Mel glares then she scowls, "Now you're making fun of me?" Negaduck put his hands up in alarm.

"No, no, no, no, you misunderstood!"

"Never mind, we'll get to that later! Normally, I would be happy to help you out, but there is something that weighs heavily on my heart. During the years we have been friends, Looney Town and Ashland, but never once did you invited me to your home for some coffee, or cake, or ganool. Something, I mean..."

"Wait, what?" Negaduck ask confused. He is having trouble understanding what Mel just said.

"A ganool; You know, it's a pastry with stuffing, that stuff got sprinkles on it. Hell; it’s delicious..."

"Whoa, whoa, lady," Quackerjack exclaims in confusion. "I can't understand what you're saying!"

"Oh, well, I just got back from the dentist and..." Mel explains. She then take out two cotton balls from her mouth, looking disgusted. This allow the woman to speak normally, "Bleck. And they forgot to take the damn cotton balls out. Coraline?"

"Mom, I will take these cotton balls from you with my hand...and put them in my pocket." Coraline said as she takes the cotton balls from her mother then put them in her pocket, "Despite how disgusted I am at doing so."

"Fine, fine."

"Hmmm, I can't help but noticed that your other associate hadn't say a word since this conversion started." Negaduck said, noting how Wybie haven't spoken yet during this conversion.

"Unfortunately, Wybie can't say anything at all." Mel explains to Negaduck with a shrug.

"Okay, I'll bite. Why?"

"Because my daughter's enemy, the Other Mother, cut out his tongue."

"Good grief!" Bushroot exclaims in disgust as he saw Wybie opening his mouth, showing that there is no tongue in there, "Why?!"

"Well, because he went like this." Mel explains. She makes a funny face and sticks her tongue, making taunting noises for a few seconds. Once the woman's done, she continues, "And the Other Mother didn't like so she cut his tongue out. Check this out. Wybie? Do this."

Mel made clicking noises as if imitating a clock, much to Wybie's embarrassment. The mother laughs cruelly, "Ha ha ha! Wybie can't do it! Oh, Coraline and I love to tease him!"

"So, Mel..." Negaduck said, getting back to the reason for this meeting.

"That's me. What?"

"What are you going to do about Daffy?"

"Listen, I got an idea." Mel said with an evil grin, motioning Negaduck and his men to lean closer. "You are having your medieval fun and games tomorrow, right? The most important event will be the archery contest. Daffy won't be able to resist."

"Really? Why's that?" Liquidator ask Mel, wondering how Daffy won't be able to resist the archery contest.

Before Mel could explain, Coraline spoke, "Simple. We will make him an offer he can't refuse."

"Ugh. I was going to say that." Mel groans, annoyed that her own daughter has beaten her to the point. The woman threw some M&Ms at her, "Bitch!"

"Yes, that's brilliant!" Negaduck exclaims eagerly. Luring Daffy to the archery contest sounds like a perfect way to lure him into an ambush.

"Thanks, I know."

"Wait, wait, wait; Problem."

"What?" Mel ask Negaduck. What is the problem now?

"You do know that Daffy is the best archer in the land, right?" Negaduck ask Mel with a frown. It's true, the duck will just win the archery contest and make himself more of the people's hero.

"Oh, don't you get it? Coraline here is good, better, best! She can beat the hell out of anyone at archery; Coraline? Show them your archery medals." Mel explains with a smirk then she motions Coraline to prove it. The girl got up and opens her coat, showing a collection of past archery medals, "Ta-da!"

"Wow!" Negaduck and his men exclaims in amazement. That is a lot of medals for a little girl!

"See? I am so proud of my baby girl. Now then, Coraline will beat Daffy at the archery contest, making a fool out of him in front of everyone. Then Wybie here will make the duck...no more."

Wybie nods as he took out a gun, then press a button on it, causing a crossbow on the weapon to appear.

"Err, no more?" Quackerjack ask, confused by what Mel just said.

"Fine. You want it plain and simple? Daffy is going to be dead. D-E-D...Dead," Mel explains with an evil grin. In other words, once Daffy is humiliated, then he will be dead.

The bad guys laughs cruelly as Negaduck and Mel clang their drinks. Wybie tries to laugh but ends up making noises, much to Mel and Coraline's amusement. Yes, the plan will work and no one will stop them.

Unknown to the villains, their conversion was so loud, someone can hear the whole thing from another balcony. That someone is Melissa who gasps in horror.

"Oh no..." Melissa said in fright. Daffy is in trouble!

Author's note
Negaduck has hired Mel and her men to get rid of Daffy. In the next chapter, Melissa and Petunia goes to the Toony Men's camp to warn Daffy. We get to listen to two songs while the hero discovers her love's secret. Read, review and suggest.

Elliott, Puss, Buck, Tod and Yogi are choices a friend of mine have in mind for when he do my two future versions of Robin Hood: Men In Tights, but he haven't decided which two yet.

Tod and Yogi are also who he have in mind for the two fanmakes of the Disney version of Robin Hood he plan to do in the future.

If my friend decide to use Buck as Robin in a version of his Men in Tights fanmake, he plan to include Scrat as an extra (a sidekick). Same thing with Boo-Boo, if he decide to use Yogi in one of my versions of Men in Tights.

There's another reference to "Robin Hood Daffy", third time I did so.

The song is "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan, but you probably know that already. Some parts are changed of course.

A reference to The Hunchback of Notre Dame is made here.

To anyone who doesn't know, Herbert is the disturrbing man from Family Guy.

The scene with Negaduck and Magica referenced "Dracula: Dead and Loving It".

Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky died in the recent season premiere of "The Simpsons".

The meeting has a reference to "Shark Tale" and "Coraline" (sort of).